Here we go again with another story of family dysfunction! Once again deceit and betrayal play a significant role in both relational tensions but also in acquiring the sought-after blessing. But I can’t help but notice some interesting dynamics going on in this family that a queer lens may add a unique perspective to.
Gender plays a role here in a way I have rarely heard in sermons. Jacob, the second born son, is described in contrast to his brother Esau, the first born son. Esau is described in a way that easily fits within the cultural framework of masculinity: he’s hairy, outdoorsy, and a skillful hunter. Jacob, on the other hand, was quiet and preferred a life in the tents. While it is not explicitly said, I think we can safely assume Jacob does not fit the typical gender role that was expected of him. What it does say, and seems to be that result of our assumption, is that Isaac (father of Jacob and Esau) loved Esau and Rebecca (their mother) loved Jacob.
This kind of family situation seems so stereotypical it could be in an early 2000s sitcom, at least in my western and white middle-class experience. Many of us, in our growing up years, did not fit into the prescribed gender-norms of the day before we even realized that we are queer. Some experienced family mockery and shame because of it. But that is our gift to the world, not our curse. I dream of a world where this stereotype becomes antiquated!
Perhaps it shouldn’t surprise us when, later in life, Jacob has a son who does not seem to follow the gender roles (you know, Joseph and his fabulously colorful coat) and instead of rejecting him, Jacob dotes on Joseph. Maybe people can learn not to repeat their parents’ mistakes.
When we put it in this light, should we be surprised that Jacob easily falls into these patterns of manipulation in order to feel accepted and loved? Can we not recognize that Jacob, either out of youthful ignorance or desperation, had given in to the temptations that befall many of our queer kin searching for belonging?
Still today there are families who will, without a second thought, disown their children for being queer. Others, even through agonizing emotional pain, will do the same. This is unequivocally wrong, evil, and deplorable. This is not Christlike nor what God desires for any child, teen, or even adult child to experience, period. And yet, in God’s name, these evils continue.
But this does not need to be the end of the story, just as brotherly enmity was not the end of the story of Jacob and Esau. We have the opportunity as the church to protect, adopt, and become a place of belonging for queer folks who have lost their families to bigotry and lies. Everyone deserves to be surrounded with loving community, and we can be that for our queer siblings!
